How to teach your child to have a growth mindset to help set them up for success

As Ryeson (my six-year-old co-author of the Randall the Blue Spider & Friends picture book series) gets older, he is becoming more "shy.” 

When he was younger, he would try anything and everything without fear or hesitation (to my dismay!). I used to love watching him explore the world around him with such curiosity and excitement. But lately, it seems like he has become more reserved and hesitant to try new things.

I used the word “shy” once to describe his emotions for not wanting to do something, and now he has made up his mind that he simply is shy, and therefore doesn't need to try new things. 

I tried to explain to him that shyness is just a feeling; it's something we can choose to change if we want to. I encouraged him to step outside of his comfort zone and try new things, even if they might be a little scary at first.

But he now has it in his head that he is shy, and that has become his go-to excuse any time he doesn't want to do anything. 

When my husband and I first started noticing this behavior, we chalked it up to normal childhood fears and didn't give it much thought. But as time went on and Ryeson continued to avoid new experiences, both at home and at school, we realized that this might be more than just a phase. 

Rye shares a lot of attributes with Randall the Blue Spider. They both get nervous and dislike trying new things because they are afraid that they won’t succeed at them. 

Because of this, we are working together with Ryeson’s therapists to come up with a game plan to cultivate a growth mindset. 

It's important for children to understand that they can't be good at everything and that that’s no reason to reject new experiences. With a little bit of effort and courage, they may surprise themselves with what they are capable of. 

What is a growth mindset?

Dr. Carol Dweck famously defined the term in her bestselling book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (the audiobook is a great listen). A growth mindset is a belief that intelligence and ability can be developed with effort and practice.

This type of mindset is important for children to have because it allows them to view themselves as capable and resilient learners. When children believe they can improve their skills, they are more likely to put in the effort required to make progress. Additionally, children with a growth mindset are more likely to persevere in the face of setbacks and view failure as an opportunity to learn.

The opposite is also true: when they think that they aren't good at something, they may be more likely to not even try. 

There are several ways parents and educators can promote this type of thinking in kids. One way is by using praise that focuses on effort rather than ability. For example, instead of saying “You’re so smart,” try “You worked really hard on that!” This type of praise promotes the idea that intelligence is something that can be developed through effort. 

Another way to promote a growth mindset is by helping children see mistakes as learning opportunities. This can be done by encouraging children to talk about what they learned from their mistakes and how they plan to avoid making them in the future. Finally, it is important to model a positive outlook yourself!

Kids learn best by observing the adults around them, so if you show excitement about learning new things and bouncing back from setbacks, your child will be more likely to do the same.

Why is it important to teach your child to have a growth mindset?

One of the benefits of having a growth mindset is that it can help your child become more resilient. When kids have a fixed mindset, they tend to give up easily when they face setbacks, but if they have the belief they can do it, they understand that mistakes are part of the learning process. Challenges become an opportunity to grow and learn. This helps them make it through difficult times and emerge stronger than before.

Another benefit of having a growth mindset is that it can help your child become more successful in school. They are more likely to be engaged in their learning if they believe they are capable of improvement. Studies have shown that they are also more likely to achieve higher grades and test scores than students with a fixed mindset.

So encouraging a growth mindset in your child can set them up not just for academic success, but also for success in life. It will prime them to become flexible, motivated, and engaged in whatever endeavors they undertake.

Diving deeper into teaching your child to have a growth mindset:

1. Provide specific, not general, encouragement. You can encourage your kids by telling them what they did well and being specific about their efforts. For example, imagine your child is trying out for a sports team. Saying that they are really good at that one thing shows that you noticed their progress and are proud of them. This type of feedback can be extremely helpful in keeping them motivated to continue practicing and developing their skills.

It's always important to encourage your kids, especially when they're doing something new or difficult. This not only boosts self-esteem, but it also develops a belief that the next time they try something they will get better. This way, they'll feel motivated to keep pushing themselves and tackle new tasks. 

2. Help your kids learn from their mistakes. Encouraging kids to learn from their mistakes is a great way to help them grow. If they hit a snag while trying something new, give specific and positive encouragement on what they did well and on what they can improve upon next time. Demonstrate that making mistakes is part of the learning process, something that's expected and normal. With this positive outlook, they'll be more likely to take risks, persevere through challenges, and ultimately reach their full potential. 

When it comes to learning from mistakes, children are often more resilient than we give them credit for. If they're taught to see setbacks as an opportunity to grow, they can develop a strong sense of independence and become more critical thinkers. As parents, we can foster this growth mindset to remind them that we can all learn from our mistakes!

3. Provide opportunities for kids to practice what they're learning. One way to provide opportunities for kids to practice what they're learning is to give them extra chances to work on a concept if they're struggling with it. This will help them to understand the material better and feel more confident in their abilities. Try having your child teach the material to somebody else. That somebody could be you—if so, you can better gauge their understanding while also giving them a chance to improve their communication skills.

Encourage kids to think about what they're learning. Ask them questions about the subject to engage them on a deeper, more critical level. 

A good example of this is when a parent asks their kids why they think a certain character in a book did something, or how they would have reacted in the same situation. Try it with the children’s book Randall the Blue Spider Goes Surfing. Ask your kids what they would do if they got nervous in front of a crowd and if they think what Randall did to face his fear is something they would want to try!

4.  Develop a healthy relationship with failure together. Teach them that it's not the end of the world if they don't succeed at something and that they can always try again. Help them understand that there is value in facing our fears and taking on new challenges, even if we don't succeed right away. Encourage them to celebrate their successes, big and small, and to keep trying even when things are tough.

Demonstrate a growth mindset by showing them how successful people have often faced many failures along the way. This will illustrate that failure is a normal part of life and nothing to be ashamed of. (Michael Jordan is a great example of someone who failed a lot and learned: https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-learn-to-fail/). 

5. Create a learning strategy. Teach your kids how to break down tasks into smaller goals so they don't feel overwhelmed. Help them develop a study plan or practice routine so they can see their progress over time. This can build confidence and create a reliable space and routine for them to get their homework done. 

It's important to model a growth mindset yourself. 

Model a growth mindset yourself by showing your child how you approach obstacles. Share stories about times when you faced a challenge and tell them how you persevered. Point out how you've grown and changed over time, and encourage them to do the same—after all, it’s not the mistakes that count, but what we learn from them. 

By modeling this behavior, you'll instill a forward-looking attitude in your child that will serve them well throughout their life.

Assisting your child in developing a growth mindset doesn't have to be difficult. There are many simple things you can do on a daily basis to encourage them. Just remember to focus on the process and effort, avoid empty praise, and provide opportunities for practice and application. 

It's been hard for Ryeson to break out of his shyness, but slowly and surely we are working on creating a growth mindset with some of the tools above. 

With a belief he will get better with practice, he’ll believe that he can learn from mistakes. So keep encouraging those kiddos—they'll thank you for it later! (or not, but either way… it will help).