3 Ways Parents Can Help Back to School Anxiety

Back to school time varies for different school districts, with many California schools going back in August, and East Coast schools starting up after Labor Day -- but there’s no time like the present to ready your kids for the transition to the school year. 

Summer habits are now compounded by COVID norms, meaning preparing students for in-person instruction is more essential than ever. Here are a few tips for reacclimating, planning ahead, and managing big feelings (something Randall the Blue Spider has to learn to do as well). 

1. Identify the signs of childhood anxiety 

Being that you can’t solve a problem unless you recognize there is one (or something to that effect, according to the idiom), the first step in helping your child deal with feeling overwhelmed by the upcoming school year is noticing the signs of back-to-school anxiety. According to this Harvard study, some of the most common symptoms are:

Asking anxiety-ridden questions. This one’s something of a no-brainer. Things like “What if I don’t have any friends to sit with in class?” and “What if nobody wants to play with me at recess?”—especially if they are asked repeatedly despite your reassurance—are clear red flags of anxiety. 

Complaining of physical ailments when there are none to be had. Think stomachaches, headaches, body aches. If they’re aching, they’re faking. (Just kidding—but it could be a sign of anxiety if not accompanied by other verifiable symptoms.)

Changes in sleeping patterns. If they’re tossing and turning longer than usual before falling asleep, or if they’re waking you up more often, this is a sign to note. 

Figuring out that your child is anxious is the first step to being able to help. <3

2. Get into the swing of things

Once you’ve determined your kid is stressed about returning to school, role-playing parent-and-child-going-to-school before you actually have to get up and do it is one of the actionable things you can do to alleviate nerves (for your child, of course, and maybe for you, too!). 

Practice waking up and going to bed at the appropriate times. Not only is this kind of consistency important for your child’s mood and brain function, but this will make the transition less arduous for all involved if they are more cooperative at bedtime and ready to rise and shine in the AM. 
Focus on your morning routine. Spend a few mornings waking up as you will when school is in session. Eat breakfast, help your kid get their bag together, have them help you prepare a lunchbox, sing a ditty like the von Trapps, whatever you plan to do regularly during the school year, and drive them to school. Spend some time on the grounds, or see if you can even enter the building anymore, walk around together. All of this will make the scary become familiar. 

3. Validate their feelings without exacerbating them

This is perhaps the simplest in theory, but maybe the hardest to enact. This is a little less concrete than the prior steps, but manageable nonetheless. 

Don’t add fuel to the fire. You may have your own anxieties about your kid returning to school, but now isn’t the time to voice them (at least not to them). It’s easy enough to not do this directly, but it’s just as important to not do this indirectly, either. Be sure to not ask leading questions like “Are you nervous for such-and-such class?”, but instead “How are you feeling about such-and-such class?”

Redirect anxieties. You can do this by A) validating them, then B) refocusing your child’s attention on something good or hopeful. For example, if they say, “I’m worried I’ll have no friends in my class,” you can say, “I know how scary that is, but I really believe you’ll make friends before you know it. Remember, you didn’t even know Miranda this time last year. She was a new friend once, and there will be others!” You can also redirect general anxieties toward good things about school, like a music teacher they like, a friend in class, or an upcoming school event. 

These tips are also advocated for by Kaitlin Soule, the founder of Petaluma Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and a marriage and family therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. She is also a mom to three kids, a wife, a writer, a podcaster, and a wellness advocate—i.e., the perfect person to talk to about big feelings (like Randall the Blue Spider has), anxiety, and being overwhelmed.

She says, “The best thing we can do for our children who are anxious and nervous about going back to school is to validate their feelings, remind them that they have your support, and help them ease back into the experience of being in-person by talking about what it might be like and even practicing conversations with friends and teachers. The worst thing we can do as parents is to overwhelm our children with our own fears about how they might handle the adjustment. The bottom line: validate their feelings and model bravery.”

Bravery isn’t always easy—for kids or for their parents. It seems the silver lining of all of us having had our own moments of anxiety and weakness, however, is that we can relate to others when they experience it and find the means to help them through it. Managing big feelings is never a problem that goes away, but with your help, your kids can learn the seeds of this skill this back-to-school season. 

This guest post was written by Elizabeth Wolfinger.